Parallel Play - Playing Alone, Together

Dinner and a movie are not the only things you can do with a friend, even though it seems that way sometimes.

Originally coined by sociologist Mildred Parten to describe a stage of childhood development, the term parallel play is a useful one to describe the uniquely calming joy of doing your own thing in the company of others.

I first heard it from an autistic friend of mine, who learned it from the neurodivergent community. It’s been listed as one of the five “neurodivergent love languages,” alongside penguin pebbling and support swapping. ADHD’ers use a similar term - body doubling. I feel like I have all the love languages in the books, and parallel play is one of them.

For children, parallel play might look like a toddler playing with blocks next to another toddler scribbling in a colouring book. For adults, parallel play might look like my partner putting together a lego set while I sit on the couch scribbling in my sketchbook. Not so different.

When I started Draw-la-la when things were just opening up after the pandemic, I wanted to connect with people, without the overwhelming noise of parties and restaurants. I quickly discovered an unexpected, beautiful thing - that I had made a structured place for adult parallel play. You can sit with friends and strangers without conversation being the main activity. You can choose your moments to interact, and there is always something to trigger a conversation - the drawing in front of you. When I think about it, this is how my friendships grew in school. We were doing our own thing, but together.

Prompt: Make a Parallel Play Date

Step 1. Phone a Friend

Think about someone you’d like to spend more quality time with. Make a proposal and a plan - “Would you like to spend Thursday night on the couch doing our own thing, but together?”… “Want to go to a café and draw pictures next to each other?”… “Let’s put our phones down and craft, bring your own knitting”. If you don’t want to organize something yourself, consider joining a local activity like Draw-la-la or Come Collage.

Step 2. Choose Your Activity

You can choose your latest passion or the creative project you haven’t touched in a while

• put together a jigsaw puzzle

• draw in a sketch book (stuck on what to draw? Try a Draw-la-la 30 day challenge)

• make something out of fimo clay

• read that book you bought but never opened

• paint miniatures

• colour in an adult colouring book

• practice calligraphy

• knit a scarf

• write in a journal

Tell your friend to bring their latest pursuit and keep you company.

Step 3. Play

Make tea, grab some snacks, put on some cozy music. Do your thing, and do it together!

Upcoming Events

Join us for some spring parallel play - let’s make some art alone together <3